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Truths and Tips #6: Letting Go of Control


Q: Is it difficult to let go of control?  Where does one begin? 

A:   Letting go of control can be extremely difficult because we have been raised with control; it is taught to us and all around us.  Our parents, bosses, teachers, and religious leaders—much of what they do is control based.

Control is thus what we have come to know. It is what we think works for us (which I strongly refute in Losing Control, Finding Serenity).   As such, it is a deeply engrained habit—one in which we feel very uncomfortable and even insecure in giving up.

The first step in changing the propensity to control is to become better aware of your controlling ways.  Many of us have little inkling of how much, how often, and in what we ways we try to control people and things around us.  We can see it in others, but much less so in ourselves.

Control can be subtle.   Suggesting or reminding too frequently, encouraging too strongly, or preaching too intently are common control devices.  Enabling our children and loved ones is another.

The “decontrol” process starts with an honest inventory of your controlling patterns. To do this, you have to reign in your ego and muster the courage to see yourself as you are—blemishes and all.

For example, are you typically judgmental? Highly opinionated? Overly critical? Too aggressive?

Questions to Ponder:

“Can you identify two ways you controlled today?”

“Are you fearful of what might happen if you let go of a pressing matter for a day?

Please share your answers with me!

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go—and Accept “What Is!” 


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