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Foreword Reviews Book of the Year Award Finalist!
What Would Your Life Be Like If You Simply Let Go of Control?

At work, they oversee every detail of every project and expect nothing less than perfection from their coworkers.

At home, they obsess over finding the “right” person.  Then, they criticize their lover or spouse for doing everything wrong.

As parents, they practice zero tolerance for their children’s preferred study practices, choice of friends, dress choices, and differing life views.

Sound familiar?  Everyone knows the type: micromanagers, nitpickers, and domestic despots. Yet, most people fail to recognize the signs of a compulsion to control in themselves—or realize the toll of their behavior on their career, their family, their friendships, and their own happiness.

In Losing Control, Finding Serenity:How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go, Daniel A. Miller pinpoints the dangers of excessive control. What’s more, he shows those who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts.

Sharing his journey of transformation, Miller reveals what happened when he finally decided to “surrender”: his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace.

Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of acknowledged “control freaks,” Losing Control, Finding Serenity guides readers through an honest inventory of their control patterns—whether prodding, cajoling, withdrawing, playing the martyr, or intimidating—down to the roots.  As most controllers will discover, their compulsion to control is provoked by deep-seated fear, anxieties, and insecurities, then aggravated by anger and resentments.

Filled with enlightening true stories, Losing Control, Finding Serenity gives readers the knowledge, the courage, the strategies, and the “decontrol” tools to:

  • Identify and overcome the control triggers of fear, anger, and resentment
  • Become a less domineering parent, build a family democracy, and reduce the struggles with children
  • Find and keep the right person by accepting who he or she is rather than trying to change their romantic partner
  • Free your creative flow and process
  • Delegate to and trust coworkers to reap increases in productivity, efficiency, and job satisfaction—and reduce conflict and dissension
  • Learn to be patient and calmly accept “what is,” even when adversity strikes, to enjoy a more fulfilling and serene life
  • Reduce Co-Dependency.

In a chaotic, unpredictable world that’s frequently beyond anyone’s control, Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, every changing mystery.

Find out how losing control really means gaining control.

Critical Praise for the Book

“Daniel A. Miller has done an amazing job in delving deeply into the crevices of how most us would need to be in control, one way or another—in varying degrees—not always realizing how it rules and affects our lives and even more so—the lives and happiness of others. Daniel has clearly lived it, seen the damage, and has learned from it and has designed a formula to teach people how to change these controls by finding, understanding and releasing issues one step at a time. He has created a way of guiding and educating the reader, in a very understandable and logical way, to help everyone “Let Go." A must read for everyone!"
In Light Times
“This is a book about finding balance between control and surrender. It grew out of the author’s personal struggle to manage his life for maximum productivity and profit. As the glittering world he so doggedly built began to collapse around him, he looked for answers and found them in the places where he least expected to. Now he’s passing on the techniques he used to successfully rebuild his career and his life on a firmer, less controlled foundation. Down-to-earth and honest, the book is full of psychological and spiritual insight. It is also full of real-world solutions for reconnecting with the natural flow of life and with our personal truth. This book will be terrific for twelve-steppers who are just beginning to work with the program.”
New Age Retailer Magazine
“Losing Control, Finding Serenity pinpoints the dangers of excessive control, which goes far beyond setting limits and standards, in all aspects of life. It shows those of us who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts. Sharing his journey of transformation from up-tight control driven attorney to life-loving person who works less and earns more, Daniel Miller reveals what happened when he finally decided to “surrender”: his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace. Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of acknowledged control freaks, he guides us through an honest inventory of our control patterns, leading us to discover this compulsion is provoked by deep-seated fear, anxiety, and insecurity, then aggravated by anger and resentments. In a chaotic, unpredictable world that’s frequently beyond our control, Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, ever changing mystery.”
The Monthly Aspectarian
“Miller explores the dangerous elements of control, fear & avoidance, guiding us through the lessons he has learned as he shares his secrets…. and bravely holds nothing back. Dedicated to helping others face their fears, no matter how intense, Losing Control, Finding Serenity is poetic, philosophical and unselfish; a guidebook to true success, happiness and peace of mind–an empowering collection of modern philosophy by a profoundly inspiring writer.”
“There are a lot of great books out there on self-help and I’m sure many are focused on this very same topic, but the guidance offered by Miller is this book is something I’d recommend to anyone struggling with control issues in his or her life. Even if it’s not you personally struggling with control, a lot can be learned from reading about what it’s like to have issues with control — and how you can help yourself and others cope with these issues.”
Positively Present


“This book is worth a course of therapy! It is for anyone who has ever been weighed down by the delusion that sheer will and control could deliver a desired outcome. Through compelling case histories, Mr. Miller presents universal examples of the costs of this kind of disordered thinking, and step by step, shows us the way out. Losing Control, Finding Serenity is the missing link to uncovering the true wisdom of the Serenity Prayer.”
Barbara LaSalle,MFT
Author of Finding Ben
"As a newcomer to Stoicism, I found Losing Control, Finding Serenity to be invaluable. I feel enriched by the many illustrative anecdotes and practical tips for letting go of control (in a mature and responsible manner) of the urge to control every aspect of my life."
Mark Frauenfelder
founder of BoingBoing
"Daniel Miller has hit the nail on the head with his hugely insightful book. As a parent and parenting author, I was especially struck by his chapter on losing parental control. By domineering and overpowering our children, we strip them of countless opportunities to feel true pride in making their own decisions and owning their own successes (and failures). By not allowing them to find autonomy and self-reliance in this complex world, we strip them of the tools they will undoubtedly need throughout their lives."
Jennifer Worley
Co-author, The Stay at Home Martyr
"Miller’s insight into letting go allows people to become truly who God intends them to be and therefore more fully human."
Rev. Canon Norman S. Hull
" Danny Miller clearly and insightfully, with touching personal stories, explains that we must stop controlling the matters of the heart if we want love to flow effortlessly into our lives. In Losing Control, Finding Serenity, he has tapped into an essential Love Truth that many of us instinctively know but often are afraid to embrace: real and lasting intimacy can be achieved only when we stop trying to control our loved ones and accept them for who, what, and how they are. Bravo, Danny, on this treasure chest of practical tools! I especially love your ‘Love Control Test’ to determine if you are a love controller in your love relationship. Your simple methods help us lose the control that we think we need and gain abundantly more in our lives just by making a few ‘decontrol’ adjustments."
Maria Carter
bestselling author of Fall In Love With Your Life: 365 Love Notes for Romancing the Self-Critic Within
and Founder and Publisher, Loving Magazine
"Losing Control, Finding Serenity is must reading for all Type A workaholics. Through the clever use of well-positioned anecdotes, Danny Miller takes aim at the notion that to be successful in life, one must always be in control. As an entrepreneur with over forty-five years of investing experience, I was particularly attracted to those chapters devoted to losing control in the workplace. I only wish that this book had been written forty years ago. It left me with the strategic clarity that surely would have led me to even better tactical decision making.."
Michael Sherman
Founder of Delphi Information Sciences Corporation
"In my career as a professional writer and producer, I have spent over twenty years chasing those all-too rare moments when the work almost magically flows to the page. In Losing Control Finding Serenity, Danny Miller has honed in on how to achieve those moments by letting the creative process unfold naturally. As a showrunner, I have always tried to instill a small bit of chaos in the writers room to help writers loosen up on the reins and let them tap into that place where genius (or at least a good enough joke to get us home early) lies. Danny Miller has laid out the tools to find this state of mind by giving up control without fear or anxiety."
David Krinsky
Executive Producer, King of the Hill, The Goode Family, and Extract, and writer, Blades of Glory
"Daniel Miller’s excellent new book can guide parents on their path to effective parenting. With examples that will ring true for many parents, he encourages us to lose control in ‘all the right places’ and reminds us that ‘attentive listening can also have a powerful healing effect."
Sylvia Rouss
Award-winning parenting author
"Losing Control, Finding Serenity is a wonderful primer on how Not to be judgmental of others so as to allow for them to fully actualize their own unique spiritual path. For this to occur, clergy people especially need to free themselves from the habit of judging personal belief and practice and encourage rather the individual’s informed but free journey, whether Jew, Christian, Muslim, or any other faith. The fundamental decontrol precepts that Danny Miller explains will enable clergy and laity to live more peacefully with themselves and their faith communities."
James Lee Kaufman
Rabbi Emeritus, Temple Beth Hillel
"As an industry professional who daily interacts with many talented people having large egos, hidden agendas, and often conflicting demands, I have found that Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers excellent insight and direction on how to let go of control at work and allow processes to unfold naturally, leading not only to better results but to greater serenity even throughout the most stressful situations. Indeed, anyone seeking to address issues with control can gain much from Danny’s book."
Marcia S. Ross
Executive Vice President, Casting, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures Production
Seven Year Amazon Best Seller!

$4.99 E-Book – Limited Time Offer

Losing Control Finding Serenity by Daniel A Miller

Book of the Year Award Finalist – Foreword Reviews

“LCFS is 500’% a must read for every person whose heart is beating for serenity.” – Verified Amazon Purchaser

Book can also be ordered through your favorite bookseller!
Paperback: 212 pages
Publisher: Ebb and Flow Press (July 30, 2012)
Language: English
Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.5 x 8.5 inches