How to Lower Family Expectations

High expectations of others plant the seeds for disappointment and resentment. Whether assertive or subtle, expecting too much of others pressures them to act and be, as we want them to. At its core, it is our attempt to control or change...

Five Good Reasons For Accepting People As They Are

Acceptance There’s a good reason why dogs are considered “man’s best friend.”   They offer us unconditional acceptance! Even when we’re mad at them or mistreat them, they accept us–often with a wagging...

Easy Tips for Letting Go of Control

Do you realize that you should be letting go of control, say with your children or partner, or at work, but find it real hard to do? If so, asking yourself these basic, but very effective, decontrol questions will make it much easier: “How...

Are Control Freaks Healthy?

“Are Alpha Males Healthy?” is the lead article in the Personal Journal section of the September 13 Wall Street Journal.    Alphas are “ambitious, assertive, confident and competitive,” says psychiatrist T.Byram Karasu in the article—all...

Three Key Ways to Improve Your Close Relationships

In these frantic, unpredictable and financially volatile times, the need for close, supportive bonds with family, friends and loved ones becomes more important than ever.    It provides us with a much needed emotional anchor. Ironically, the...

Writing Love Poems by Letting Go of Control

For me, composing poems encompasses letting go of control, particularly in the sense of not overthinking and overanalyzing them. I begin with my intention and then jot down words and phrases that evoke that intention, not really concerning...

Control Freaks Suffer, Too—And You Can Help Them!

In my media interviews with respect to the recent publication of Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go, interviewers and listeners alike often relate their considerable angst and discomfort from...

Work Control: Five Ways It Harms You and How to Avoid It

The workplace is where humanity’s primal drive for sustenance and survival is most prominently played out.   As such, it is a hotbed for costly control practices.  Some graciously refer to the compulsion to control at work as just “trying to get...

Finding Serenity

As the author of Losing Control, Finding Serenity, I am sometimes asked what I mean by “serenity.” I realize that serenity means different things to different people.    For many, it means peace and tranquility.   For others, it means...

Losing Control, Finding Flow

We often hear people talk about “going with the flow” when discussing  how they intend to deal with important issues and challenges in their lives.   I think for most, that means they wish to engage matters as they naturally arise, without...

Let Go of Your Blinders

The intensity of our controlling actions impairs our vision.   It puts “blinders” on us and we are unable to recognize the opportunities and make the choices that would improve our lives emotionally, spiritually, creatively, and financially. The...

The Remarkable Gifts of Letting Go of Control

Most of my blog posts discuss the remarkable and often unexpected gifts that are bestowed upon you when you are willing to let go of control–even partially. I have also tried to carry this message in articles I have written for some well...